Communication Skills Power

When you are engaged in a conversation with one or more people, you have to essentially take turns at speaking. If one person is doing all the talking, that is a lecture, not a chat. So, one very common mistake people will make is that they monopolize the conversation and end up doing all of the talking. People will often get very tired of just being talked to; so try to avoid that.

Next, stay on subject. If everyone is talking about how much they loved the latest production of “The Fantastics” that a local theatre group is putting on, do not change the subject to the upcoming Presidential election.

Then, when other people are talking, stay focused, and pay attention. If your eyes loose focus, glaze over and you start looking out the window at some birds flying by, the other people will not want to talk to you much. You need to listen to what they say, and ask questions that reflect the fact that you are doing just that. It will make the other people happy to see that you are interested in what they have to say.

And that leads to the next point - do not be insulting, sarcastic, or interrupt the other speakers constantly. If you do not agree with what they have to say, simply agree to disagree. Keep in mind, some people will not agree with your point of view. You are going to want them to respect what you have to say; so you do the same to them.

Often times, people will say things that will make you want to offer them advice. Maybe they are having a problem at work, with their spouse or kids, or some such thing. Well, do not just offer advice. There is an old saying about advice: wise men do not need it, and fools will not heed it. So, do not offer it. Then, there is the reserve of this situation. If someone asks you your opinion or for advice, then try (as best you can) to give it. If the issue is on a subject that you truly can not speak about, then go ahead and be honest about it, and tell them that. But, if you think you have something to say on the matter, then do so.

There is also a little side rule to this issue, that of offering advice or making criticism regarding something they did in the past. As an example, if a friend left a bike outside his back door and it got stolen, do not ask him why he did something so dumb. It is in the past; what good will it do to point out his mistake now?

Next, there is the issue of being a gossip. If you talk about people who are not there, some people might find it fun and enjoyable. Yet, deep down, maybe later, when they’re at home, they’re going to wonder if you do the same to them, talk about them behind their back to others? That is not the sort of thing that is going to endear you to them and make them want to talk to you on a regular basis.

Finally, there is the issue of people listening to you. In the same way that you need to pay attention to others when they talk, you want them to listen when you talk. Well, if you notice their eyes starting to loose focus, maybe they even yawn or look at their watch, these are signs that maybe you have been talking to long. If you drone on and on about the same thing for a long time, people can get bored, and then they will not relish the prospect of future chats with you. So, know when enough is enough!

Human conversation is the most important part of any society. Without it a society can’t prosper, or for that matter even functionally exist. All of us, as human beings, need to have conversation with another human being, no matter who you are. Conversation is a fundamental part of our human nature.

Conversation is so important to us that it’s not impossible to have several varying types of conversation throughout the day.  Conversations can be about business, relationships, politics, and practically any other subject you might now think of.

There are also certain kinds of conversations that each of us love to talk about, some the same and some different. Let’s take a look at some examples.

Art is a fairly neutral conversational topic, as well as being quite an interesting topic to talk about.  Most people have an appreciation for art, in one form or another. Some people like the paintings of Van Goegh, while others like the bizarre expressions of Picasso, and still others may have an interest in the more contemporary art forms.

Art is interpretative, each person having their own perception of what the artist is expressing, and everyone pretty much knows this. And because of this, art can become quite an interesting conversational topic.

Sports, although not always a neutral topic of conversation, can be a source of interesting and exciting conversation that many people love to talk about, especially among men. Many people enjoy talking about the victories of their favorite team or competitor. Conversations about sports can become intense, especially during finals or championships.

It has been said, in the past, that politics is not something to be talked about, primarily because each of us can have strong opinions about it. However, it is those opinions that can make a conversation very interesting and many people do love talking about politics.

The point here is that if you want to have an interesting conversation you sometimes may want to select a controversial topic to talk about. But be careful here, controversy can sometimes lead to heated debates.

Additionally, controversial topics should only be brought up with those you know fairly well and not someone you don’t. For most women the conversation about clothes can be very interesting, especially among the young. Most young women, especially those who are single, are concerned about their appearance, which includes the clothes they wear.

Therefore, an interesting topic of conversation they love to talk about is clothes. This topic can include talking about fashion designs or designers, places to buy that ‘hot outfit’, clothing accessories, or even what someone else is wearing.

Family is another interesting topic most woman love to talk about, especially those who are married and/or are raising children. There is not a woman who is raising a child who does not talk about her child and loves it. Prove it to yourself. The next time you see a woman talk about her child look in her face and you will see it light up in some way or  other.

Conversations about family can actually be interesting for anyone wanting to talk about it. When we talk about family to one another it somehow creates a tighter bond with the ones we are having the conversation with, a connection.

The list of interesting topics people love to talk about is not limited to the above mentioned. They are just a couple of quick ideas to get you thinking about some topics of your own. However, feel free to use these when you have another opportunity for a conversation with someone.

And keep this in mind: Connection is why we have to converse with one another. It is conversation with someone else that maintains a human connection between us all.

To assert yourself means to confidently express what you feel, what you need, and what you expect from others in a non-threatening manner. However, in the workplace sometimes asserting oneself can be easier said than done.

Often the work environment can be highly demanding and stressful and, as a result, be also a difficult place to effectively assert your self. However, the good news is that it can be done. Here are some tips to help you do that.

First and foremost, you need to know yourself, knowing what you want or need from your co-workers. Knowing what we need or want from others requires us to have an understanding of ourselves and what is expected of us, especially in the work environment.

Knowing, for example, what is required to complete a particular project and your responsibilities in regard to its completion will help you identify what you want or need from co-workers to fulfill those responsibilities. Once you know this then you can objectively request or delegate the needed help by asserting yourself.

When asserting yourself to gain the help of others in the workplace you want to be as detailed, yet as concise, as possible when instructing or explaining your wants and/or needs to them. If, in explaining your needs or wants, you are not clear you can open the door to confusion and, as we all know, confusion is counterproductive to accomplishing anything, much less effectively asserting yourself.

If you sense confusion encourage your co-workers to ask questions so that you can clarify yourself.

Sometimes someone may ask a question in a negative way. Address all negative feedback in a rationally way and do not take it in as a personal attack.

Many people do not know how to effectively ask questions and it’s not that they mean to be negative, it often is just the way have learned to communicate. If you can help them or guide them attempt to do so.

Also, sometimes people are preoccupied with other thoughts when asking a question in a negative manner. If this is the case give that person the opportunity to discuss or vent their preoccupation if you are in a position to do so.

In almost every work environment there is someone who knows how to get under the skin of others. If you happen to experience this with a co-worker don’t become aggressive, but rather turn the situation around by joking with them, or even being nice to them.

If their behavior is offensive let them know in a direct, firm and logical manner that what they are doing is offending you. If this fails you may then need to get others involved to correct the behavior.

When asserting yourself with managers or supervisors it is wise to know what you are going to say before you say it. Again, this requires you knowing what you want or need form these people before you approach them.

Many managers don’t have time to help you sort out what you want or need from them and if they have to help you with this you aren’t asserting yourself.

Having the courage to speak your mind is also a part of assertiveness.

But speaking your mind must be done without being an offense or belligerent to others, while at the same time expressing your wants or needs.  If you are offensive or belligerent people will perceive you as being aggressive, and aggression is not being assertive.

Aggressive behavior is threatening to other people, whereas assertiveness is not.